living beyond feelings

woke up at 0215 and this song was ringing in my head, not sure why..

We’ll Make It Loud

I hear it in the silence of the night
Filling every shadow with Your light
Be glorified, be glorified
I hear it in the song of those who seek
Your matchless worth, Your majesty
Be glorified, be glorified

We’ll make it loud, let it be heard
Above the heavens, around the earth
We’ll fill the nations with Heaven’s sound
Be glorified, be glorified, we’ll make it loud

Everywhere Your Presence will be known
Your goodness and Your mercy will be shown
Be glorified, be glorified
Everywhere the lost are being found
Captured by Your cross, they’re crying out
Be glorified, be glorified

Let God arise, lift up Your heads, lift up your eyes
Let God arise, the King of glory enter in

I’m not sure why, but I’m feeling the full effects of transition to JC more and more each day. A lil late huh haha. Guess I thought it’d come sooner and when it didn’t, I thought maybe it was because I was in VJ since 2011 and I could handle it. But I know now, JC is a whole new ball game. And I know now, how important it is to guard my heart.

There was just a moment in time just now, where I felt stuck. There was a life, a joy, a substance of freedom inside of me that was somehow being suppressed. And I wasn’t even aware of it. I was just smiling, because I had to. Responding, because I had to. Laughing, because I had to. But they all weren’t real. It was a “going through the motion” kind of feeling. How do I describe it fully? Words fail me.

“Faith what’s wrong with you?” something inside of me just asked me and I was stunned because, what was wrong? Was anything even wrong? Seemed like nothing, but I guess God saw. And it hit me that I was putting myself in the trap of emotions and self-absorption and letting myself get stuck there. It was just a moment that seemed so surreal but it warned me that I gotta catch myself before it becomes a common occurrence. I just didn’t feel like contributing and building a faith atmosphere first. Because I was sick. Because I was tired. Because I didn’t FEEL like it. Notice the “I”. Notice the “feel”.

And no, I will not blame the tendency of the human nature to be selfish because we like to do that to justify our actions and thoughts but that’s just an excuse because everyone has a choice to do otherwise.

Many times in life the loudest noises are the noises inside of us…and more often than not, they are thoughts that are self-consuming

But this song…reminds me:

Above every thought, let God arise.

Above every circumstance, let God arise.

Above every stronghold, let God arise.

Above every feeling, let God arise.

Above every doubt, let God arise.

Above every fault, let God arise.

Above every relationship, let God arise.

Above every failure, let God arise. 

Above every success, let God arise.

When I decided to let go of the self-absorption, build faith in the atmosphere and rise up above how I was feeling…something just broke loose inside of me. Like something was being freed. Like something was being released. I could smile because I had hope. I could respond because I had faith. I could laugh because I had joy. Nothing fake about it.

Joy is not derived from our situation. Hope is not derived from what people say about us. Faith is not derived passively just because you’re a Christian.

It’s all a decision. A decision to find Joy, Hope and Faith in a Love greater than ourselves.

We cannot live out what we were meant to if we are tied down by feelings all the time.

Wouldn’t it be sad if Feelings get in the way of Destiny? What a sad exchange.

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