breathe

I was writing a whole load of crap about my (kind of) epic day with…

the madness of studying history the awesomeness of my grandmother the catastrophe of my lost ezlink card the hand-breaking history examination the moment that my mother said I looked “shag”

and I realised I had no clue why I was writing it and what for so I just hit the “delete” button. words seem superfluous now. I was so in need to write something a few hours ago but now when I’m at my keyboard, somehow I just lost the momentum and I have no idea what I wanted to say.

the lack of sleep, the stress of promos and other things that’s been happening have completely enervated me but I just don’t want to let myself sleep so soon tonight. I’ve been caught up with studying so much that right now, I want the luxury of just being awake, and not having to do anything in particular.

those moments when I play my favourite worship songs and the lyrics just speak to my heart; those moments when I think about how grateful I am for the people in my life and things I can do for them; those moments when I arrive at unexpected epiphanies; those moments when someone random suddenly whatsapps me and we start talking till forsaken hours

I remember reading this quote on twitter pretty recently. “The best gift you can ever give anyone is your time, because once you give it, you can never get it back again.”

I am pretty sure that innately, all of us kind of know this fact, and all of us can appreciate it. Majority of the people I know have their very first love language as quality of time, if not it would probably be their second, at least. Time is so so precious. the past few weeks I’ve been pouring so much time and energy into studying (like I’ve never had before, seriously…) and now as I think about it I realised that a part of me had become out of my usual self, as if studying had morphed me into manifesting another dimension of myself that had been hidden all the while. kinda scary, that thought. again I remind myself to guard my heart. remember not to spend waste my time on self-absorbed thoughts and always make an effort to be others-centric. because when my self recognises the blatant selfishness I can get myself into, she gets disgusted (it is a really repulsive feeling). as I think of others tonight, it makes me 🙂 

I can’t wait to spend time with some of my favourite people, though I don’t know when I can because everyone is just so busy. I miss Kim, even though she’s coming back like, tomorrow (yay!!!). I miss my leaders. I miss LR3, even though I see them every week.

The next few weeks, or maybe season even (months?) are not gonna be easy, I can foresee it. I think I’m gonna miss everyone even more. no way I’m gonna allow myself to be disconnected or totally separated, no way I’m gonna consent to his attempts to pull me and shift me around because I know where my destiny is and I know no one can foil His plan for my life.

the thought of fighting — it can get pretty daunting, to be honest. discouraging, even. impossible, maybe. but I’m gonna have faith. because faith drives out fear. and no, I refuse to let fear conquer.

in perfect love there is no fear. and love always wins. love never fails. (:

goodnight. eyes shutting.

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