see the familiar faces at coffee bean, my heart skips a beat
I walk over, wave, smile and start laughing even though nothing funny was being said. it’s the kind of laughter that bubbles out of pure joy, because you’re just so happy to see your friends.
a few minutes later, I look up and I see my best friend. after not seeing her for
a year a week, the world seems like a better place (hehe). 4 of us, we walk toward the white gate, the gate to heaven (not just metaphorically, I mean it literally). I’m still smiling.
go up the bubble lift. everyone’s squeezing. chattering. walk towards the auditorium. slowly breathe in. this place, you don’t breathe just air. you breathe atmosphere. you breath life. no other place like it. my best friend
says squeals “I’m homeeeee”, and I don’t say anything but in my heart I’m thinking, “yeah, me too..”
find seats. we have awesome ushers. look at everyone saying “hi” with the most genuine grins you can ever find in the world. see my leaders talking to people only 2, 3 months new to this place. observe the crew at the sound console making last minute touch ups. find the person getting ready to share her testimony later praying up at the corner. best buzz, the only buzz that I enjoy immersing myself in.
the intro video plays. it happens to be my favourite. captivates me, till at the corner of my eye I see the woman I admire most in my life getting ready to walk up the stage. the keyboardists, the drummer, the guitarists, the bassist – with utmost concentration they look at her. the BVs, do exactly the same while smiling with a quiet confidence. everyone’s looking at her in anticipation.
she speaks. just a sentence, before the music plays. it amazes me how no words are ever wasted with her. it intrigues me, awes me, how every word spoken always, never fails, to carry an anointing. goosebumps. chills down my back all the way to my toes. grateful I made it, would never miss today for the world.
new songs. new lyrics. the melody isn’t the most memorable, nor does the song have the catchiest beat. but it’s always the lyrics. “God is here…” never ever taking this segment of the weekend for granted. no where else I know has a congregation that is as hungry, as desperate for God, no where as passionate, no where as on fire, yet at the same time serious. no where else I know has a worship team that is as dedicated, not just to their craft and honing their skill to be excellent, but it’s the intention behind their dedication that attracts me – to give the highest honour to the King. the tangible presence of God. cannot, will not, trade it for anything else anyone can ever give.
fast a little forward (not because there is nothing to write but because I lack the luxury of time) – the greatest announcement I have heard in a long while. been waiting for it ever since I knew what BF was about. immense euphoria overwhelms my being. beaming from the inside out. the rest that follows – the details, the nitty-gritties, the numbers, the policies…it’s supposed to be “boring” but no it isn’t. because it is about my home. it is about my family. and I am more interested than I would be in anything else. more than that, because I see the man sharing them, and I am just filled with unrelenting gratitude. it’s his 2nd/3rd time sharing it (not mentioning the fact that he would be sharing it again 2 hours later), and he’s sharing it like he’s never shared before. the light in his eyes, the gambol of his speech, the effortless humour, the undeniable love he has for his God, God’s house and God’s people. I am mesmerised by all of it. every bit of it.
Rehoboth. spaciousness. room to grow. I remember all the lives I have heard, I have seen changed. I remember the people that I have fought so hard to bring that have come. I sneak a look at the congregation, the hundreds and hundreds of faces, each and every one individually representing a life, a destiny, a purpose. all uniquely called to be in this place for a reason. and I am amazed. I am humbled. because although it looks crowded, we all know that the nation, the world, has so many other people living their own lives. and out of all of them, 6 billion of them, I am here. I out of the myriads of human beings on the face of this earth. I have done nothing to deserve it, but here I am.
I don’t say this out of pride, nor out of an intention to boast. I say this because I remember that “to him that much has been given, much is required.” and I realise the greatness that I have been given; not of my own capabilities, but out of the grace and the mercy of the One who owns the universe. and I know that if I have this realisation, I have a responsibility. “…and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?“
I think about every single battle fought to come to where I am, and I think of the future battles that I foresee that are to come. when I did that in the past, fear would creep in, doubts would scream in my ear, and I would find myself in a quandary. but now I feel different. now I have faith. now I have the mind for battle, ready to conquer. because now I know that I know, it is worth it. that it will be worth it. undoubtedly.
no turning back/ I’ve made up my mind/ I’m giving all of my life this time
bigness has no place for narrow-mindedness, small thinking, superficial feelings. bigness is meant for big thoughts, big dreams, big hearts. it is never a matter of being born with those qualities. it has always been a matter of choice. and for one time too many, so often I find myself choosing to dwell in smallness, whether consciously or not. and I don’t know whether to laugh at my childishness and immaturity, or sigh at the time wasted. because why let the minute things overpower the more important? why debilitate myself when I can be doing things that actually make a difference for myself and someone else?
I am just another person that has been embraced by redemption and carried into the space between ‘potential-lost’ and ‘potential-fulfilled’ – where there are dreams and visions to be caught and ran with. no one special. and I am so grateful to be where I am because it is a privilege that is not meant to be given up easily, nor taken lightly, nor taken for granted.
facts do not equate to truth. some spew me facts, but they’re not truth. I don’t need, nor do I want to cruise. what I need is purpose. what I need is significance. and I’m not letting go because I know I’ve found it.