words

I feel like there’s something in me that wants to be written but I can’t seem to find the words for it. I don’t know what I need to write and yet I feel compelled to write. I really have no idea man.. so many thoughts yet none can be pinned down.

but I have to say, I am so happy for my sis. her PSLE score is a testimony of God’s grace, which is exactly what her name represents. (: something she said really struck me though. my parents were talking about how they were so shocked by her score because it seemed like a miracle to them. but I honestly wasn’t very surprised because I genuinely thought that she could do it, that it was possible. and she just looked at me in the midst of the conversation and said “Jie is the only one who believes in me [in the family]”.

I was surprised to hear that, because I never really saw it that way. but all I can say is that I’m happy; happy that my sister realised that I really do believe in her. and i realised it’s because throughout the year I’d been telling her that she could do it, she can do it with God, that everything will be okay. and the words that I spoke to her, without realising I’d helped to speak over her life, her mindset, and into her heart. and it helped her believe that she could. and she did.

I realised why I really love reading & writing, is because of my fascination with words & language. “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony;” (Rev 12:11) Words have a tremendous power that like light, can penetrate darkness. yet it can also be the murderer of life. i’m learning the importance of deliberation in thought, and speech. what we say, what we write, can make a deep impact on others, and also ourselves. like how a simple “you can do it” from Davy Liu’s teacher changed his life completely.

i’ve seen and met so many people who have had so much negativity spoken over their lives that it pains me – it is absolutely aggrieving to see how they start to internalise the lies themselves and even worse, perpetuate those lies further. it makes me desperate, desperate for truth to be spoken over their lives. so desperate, it aches.

that is why my prayer is for my speech and my writing to be a vessel for God to speak through. I used to try so hard at writing and make myself sound eloquent but no it never worked. but i’ve realised – out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks – the heart determines the significance of the words that are being spoken or written.

let my heart be set apart and purified, so the words that flow out can be anointed and wise. one of my greatest desires is to be able to call out the king and the queen in the people I know, and reject the fool. words can be used to destroy, and words can be used to build.

help my heart to be fit to fulfil the latter.

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