it seems like you’re closing the door all over again.

funny. I was learning. learning to catch butterflies with you, to chase after the birds that never seem to leave their spot.

you taught me how to imagine, how to wonder. how to enter a world where I believed non-existent creatures truly existed. how to call out the life within the lifeless.

you gave me the courage to do what you didn’t have the guts to – because I thought that’s what people who had each other’s backs do. i overcame my fears because you convinced me that it was possible. i stepped out of my comfort zone because you emerged out of yours together with me.

you gave me hope of a relationship that could be different. one that could have been genuine, yet rich with the fantasies carried on from childhood. one that could build up, and build stronger. one that we both knew we could depend on.

yet, it seems like you’re closing the door all over again.

i thought it was something I did wrong. something I said wrong. something I felt wrong. and maybe an apology is overdue, yet it lacks sincerity because it holds no specific purpose. not because I am blameless, but because I am clueless.

i knock, and I wince at the possibility of you slamming the door in my face. but there’s nothing I can do about it except to wait. because maybe it’s just a need for space. maybe it’s just a need to sort things out. or maybe, it’s just time to move on.

and I have. I need to move on because some things cannot tie one down for too long. I run my race but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on you.

waiting for the door to open a little wider. maybe, maybe we can catch butterflies together again.


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