I understand why Solomon prayed the prayer he prayed.

“oh God, give me the wisdom to lead Your people. Your people, not mine. Lives that belong to You, which I have the privilege to help watch over. God, Your wisdom.. Your will… Your way.”
There is a fear that comes into my heart each time I think of the individual lives that I encounter week in and week out, day after day… a fear of God that tells me that while love has always been the core of it all, there must be an understanding that there is an expected accountability for every soul.
Leadership is not a game… pastoral responsibilities are not to be taken for granted..
I remember Jeanie asking M33 what their greatest fears were. I thought about that question and I realised that what I fear most is not stepping into the destiny that God has for me, and even more so not being able to lead and guide the people that He has placed under my care into theirs.
Life is fun, we love life… but it isn’t something we play with. There is a seriousness because life is… life. Life is something that the greatest person in the universe died and gave His life for..
I will never be a perfect leader and I have so much to learn from everyone around me… like what Paul said I constantly feel like I am the least of all the saints, the weakest of the apostles and the chief of all sinners. Haha.. but all I really want is to do a little something to bring people closer to where God is calling them to be.
I guess even if I don’t believe in myself, I gotta start believing in the God who has always been inside of me, waiting to use me and to move through me. I guess even if I am scared, I need to start living up to my name..
Funny how we allow the fear of not being good enough limit us when it has never been about looking down at ourselves, but looking up and allowing strength to be manifested in weakness.
Another thought..
“Maturity is the acceptance of responsibility.” 
Your response to your ability..
To be able to mature, you gotta response to your ability.
To be able to respond to your ability, you gotta have the ability.
To grow, I need to increase in my abilities so I can respond to them.
Lynette has always been telling me that I will grow in my abilities this season but I need to make it happen even more..
Observe a little more…learn a little faster… catch a little quicker…
I can’t waste any more time or afford to be ineffective any longer. The frustration is killing me and I am gonna do something about it.
God… here I am… use me..

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